I thought of titling my blog Mondo Depresso.
Here I was, thinking that I had come up with an original phrase. No one that I know of uses "mondo" anymore. I think it died an even faster death than "gnarly" and "tubular" in the nineties. Ferngully instantly comes to mind. Once I googled "mondo", I learned that this Valley girl dialect is called Valspeak (and that "tubular" is part of a California surfer dialect that scorns the use of California-Valley Girl Valspeak).
I guess a name that relates to my obsession with language would be better suited to me. Or, a name about getting off track. You'll see what I mean if you get through this post.
"
Mondo:
- Valspeak for "large" or "extremely" (i.e. a "mondo mess"), from the title of the Italian film Mondo Cane.
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| from http://blogue.us/2010/02/26/fashion-flashback-knee-his-and-thigh-his/ |
Valspeak is used heavily in the 1995 film Clueless... "
(from Wikipedia, of course.)
I was pretty big on Clueless growing up. I wanted her closet more than anything. I even made my own paper doll, with outfits copied from the movie. The pleated yellow plaid skirt with matching jacket? Oh yea. Totally up on that printer-paper doll.
Anyway, I am already off track. I wanted "Mondo Depresso" to simply mean, "totally depressed". But in a self-mocking sort of way. How could a Valley girl be truly depressed? Money, the beach, A CAR, beautiful weather all easily accessible.
According to Urban Dictionary, depresso has already been in use:
- Past participle of deprimere.
- Past participle of deprimersi.
Well, look at that. Both mondo and depresso are Italian words. Mondo depresso might be translated by an English speaker as "Depressed World". Alas, depresso is a past participle. That means past tense with a helping verb, like "was", for those of you who hate grammar (no one knows it even exists, especially on the internet). So, maybe once I am feeling better, it will be appropriate... "I was depresso, but I'm not anymore."
I don't know enough Italian to get all crazy with it. I just know that "World of Depression" would be Mondo della Depressione.
Another side note about the significance of this being a slaughtered Italian phrase: the verb attraversare was suggested for a name by my Italian-speaking Turkish friend, Eda, who has been sheltering me this last month. It means "to cross from one place to another". The closest English word would be "traverse", but English verbs can't stand alone like Romance-language verbs can. Thus, instead of the succinct Attraversare, in English you would have to say, "to traverse", or say "Traverse" alone, which is a command.
I felt strange using an Italian title, when my web address is about my German and Norse heritage - that's the "Teutonic" part. Specifically, my father's Protestant Pennsylvania Dutch (German) lineage, that gives me the certain brand of guilt that stems from not living up to the Protestant work ethic of these back-broken farmers.
Somehow, Welt dem Depressionen doesn't have the same ring as Mondo della Depressione. Seems terribly dramatic, no? So swoony and romantic.
Another side note about the significance of this being a slaughtered Italian phrase: the verb attraversare was suggested for a name by my Italian-speaking Turkish friend, Eda, who has been sheltering me this last month. It means "to cross from one place to another". The closest English word would be "traverse", but English verbs can't stand alone like Romance-language verbs can. Thus, instead of the succinct Attraversare, in English you would have to say, "to traverse", or say "Traverse" alone, which is a command.
I felt strange using an Italian title, when my web address is about my German and Norse heritage - that's the "Teutonic" part. Specifically, my father's Protestant Pennsylvania Dutch (German) lineage, that gives me the certain brand of guilt that stems from not living up to the Protestant work ethic of these back-broken farmers.
Somehow, Welt dem Depressionen doesn't have the same ring as Mondo della Depressione. Seems terribly dramatic, no? So swoony and romantic.
Oh, Mondo Depresso, I know you so well! A Sunday-afternoon depression. Except it's not over on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or even once the month is out. Totally depressed, this has become my world and the norm. And I can't even take it that seriously, because it never goes away, even when things are going relatively well. So I gave up trying for a while. Now it is even worse, of course. And it is my own fault.
Right now, things have fallen apart. But, I say to myself, at least I have friends who help me, a boyfriend who is there for me. At least I am not on the street and hungry. I am, however, getting closer to that everyday. Recently, I was able to use money from my dad for food, and he has been helping me. But yesterday he just cut me off, even though he said would help with the first month's rent. Which is due tomorrow.
It was stupid to believe that I could go this long without a job. I was stupid to depend on his help again. I had been depending on Adam until a month ago - I felt it was better to have the help of a parent than of my boyfriend, because this has happened before, and because it complicates a romantic relationship. I didn't want to be Daddy-as-ATM hipster girl; so I at least spent only on food and transportation. But I dropped out, and have been stupidly, completely depresso for months. Since February. I usually cheer up in the summer, regardless of what shape my life is in.
The economy doesn't help. I didn't help. I didn't look hard enough for work. I didn't think it would be impossible to find work as long as I applied to enough places. But here I am. The summer is waning, and I am supposed to begin a new chapter of my life in an apartment that is so great that I never thought I would get to live somewhere like it, and so affordable (if I had any job), that I took it as a sign from God to keep on pushing here in New York. Or maybe it was just his last gift to me here, that I can go out and give up with a bang. Have one good year before I have to leave. Once I do find a job, I think this will be the year of saving money to start anew elsewhere. To run away, again.
- Mondo (scripture), a Zen Buddhist scripture
- Mondō (問答), in Zen, a question to a student for which an immediate answer is demanded, the spontaneity of which is often illuminating. See also koan.
